“Her problems are her pets”
In the intricate lobby of Hotel Heaven a sixty year old lady named Helen Radcliff walks around the open space showing great interest in the architecture and masonry. She walks up to one of the columns and tests the surface with one hand. She wears latex cleaning gloves. The column is smooth and polished she gives it a look of approval. Helen is average height with a solid build using good physical energy. Her eyes are constantly reading her surroundings, not manic, but acutely aware.
Helen walks towards the lobby desk and inspects it. She runs her fingers along the bottom of the counter where the supports meet the counter top. Ambassador Carla, a preteen girl, stands on the other side of the counter. Her hair is pulled back and her uniform is neat. She provides a warm smile while maintaining professionalism in her mannerisms and expressions. Carla welcomes her, “Hello.”
Helen kindly replies, “Hello to you.”
“Welcome to Hotel Heaven.”
“Heaven, I’ve died?”
Carla replies, “Yes, and it seems it was while you were in the middle of something?”
Helen looks down at her latex gloves. Connected to her waist is a polishing rag and small squirt bottle. Helen, “Oh, I was polishing my pets.”
Carla asks, “Your Pets?”
Helen, “Sorry, polishing my dolls and feeding my pets. I multitask.”
“Is it hard work to maintain your pets and dolls?”
“I’d never let them go so it doesn’t enter my mind.”
“Good news is you’re no longer alive. ‘Never’ is different here.”
“Never is for all time.”
“And you are currently outside of time.”
“Interesting. Where? Well, what happens next?”
“Just a small stay at this hotel until your place is prepared at the great expanse.”
“Great expanse?”
“Endless space. A mansion... How do I describe it? Truly, I can’t. You have to see it.”
“Try. Please.”
“Well, it’s a state, not a place. But if I would have to describe it as a place I would describe it as an endless mansion. Endless rooms. Endless banquets. Endless space. Endless light. But it is a state, not a place.”
“This hotel is a place?”
“No, it is a state of ‘in-between’. When you leave, you are freed to enter pure ‘state’.”
“Fascinating.”
“Let’s show you to your room.”
“Happy to see it.”
Ambassador Carla pushes a metal wastebasket with her foot to Helen.
Carla, “Fortunately, you will not need your cleaning supplies.”
“I don’t mind holding onto them.”
“We have caretakers here.”
“But if there is anything wrong I’d like to fix it up.”
“You can let go.”
She slowly takes her gloves off but pauses.
Carla continues, “You’re free. Everything is relieved of you. You no longer carry anything.”
Assured enough, Helen throws away her gloves.
Helen insures herself, “Well, I’m sure if anything needs polishing you can help.”
Carla politely smiles and pushes the waste basket back behind the counter. They walk down the hall. Helen looks back once. In the hallway, Helen looks around noting the details of the construction. Appreciating the door frames and wood trim. Carla stops and opens her room. They enter.
Inside of her room, Helen’s eyes dart around. Inside is the interior of a very lovely house. The living room is large and magnificently decorated.
Helen reveals, “This is my house.”
Carla stands by the door quietly.
Helen continues, “But not exactly you see the living room is, better than my home. And…” She stops. Adoration. “...My dolls.”
On the wall are clean white shelves that have glorious porcelain dolls on them.
Helen gathers it all, “You... This is heaven isn’t it? I-” She picks up one of the dolls “- I need my rags. I need my rags to maintain them.” She looks to Carla.
Carla quietly looks at her, no expression. Helen is too lost in engagement to bother with any offense of her disengagement. Helen recalls, “My pets!”
She turns and scurries to the back door and exits. It is night outside. In a small, fenced in backyard are oversized furry animals. About a dozen of them. Some are obese rabbits, others are some are huge rats, others are puffy Hamsters. “Creepy” is the operative word here. She picks up one of the huge rabbits. The rabbits fat and skin roll off of her arm. She cradles and rocks it with the love and nurture for a newborn baby. She looks up at Carla with tears in her eyes.
“You know it’s such a shame with this new generation of kids and social media. No real interaction just glued to their phones all the time. They are all depressed and hooked on medication.”
She puts down the rabbit and picks up another pet.
“Politically, the country is so divided.” She kisses the animal. “So much hate. No one listens to the other side they are always attacking.”
She puts the pet down.
Helen continues, “Do you think they have enough to eat? Let’s see if there is any food in the kitchen.”
She scampers back inside, Carla solemnly follows. Helen freezes at the kitchen, “I’m ignoring them.” She dutifully and quickly walks to her porcelain dolls. She stands before them for a moment. She picks one up, looking deeply into it.
“My ex used to emotionally abuse me. He talked down to me. Controlled me.” Grinding noises come from the other rooms. Helen begins to clean the doll with her fingers. “So much dust…” She rubs it harder. “One time on a business trip. He cheated on me.” A loud thud is heard from the other room. “I really wish I hadn’t discarded my cleaning supplies.”
Carla asks, “What do you need them for?”
“To polish my dolls and feed my pets!”
Carla explains, “You don’t need your pets or dolls. This is all just temporary. Where you are going you have no dolls or-”
Helen objects, “-But they are here, now, where I am and I need to tend to them and-” She takes her outer shirt off and begins to polish her doll. Her mind circles back to her rolling narrative. “My husband took the best years of my life.” Another crashing sound from the other room. Helen walks to the other room carrying her doll. “What is that sound? What’s happening to the rest of the house?”
Carla asks, “What does it look like?”
Helen, “It looks like it’s falling apart.”
Carla, “Okay.”
Helen confirms, “But this room will be fine right? My backyard will be fine?”
Carla reasons, “It seems so. Regardless, your stay here is only temporary, why hold onto these problems?”
Helen clarifies, “Problems? I am the victim here.” She puts her doll back on the shelf and picks up a doll unlike any of the others. More intricate and larger. She traces the artwork with her fingers. Her cyclical thought continue, “My mother wanted a perfect daughter. She judged me no matter what I did. That’s when she was sober. She was a mean drunk. You can fill in the blanks.” Something in the other rooms collapses... Her pets groan from the backyard. Helen rambles, “Physically, emotionally, verbally abusive. How was I to have any self confidence? How was I supposed to have any healthy relationships?” The sound of the groaning pets grows in volume. The doll grows more magnificent in her arms.
An unlocking sound is heard. Carla turns to the entrance door to the hallway, it is ajar a few inches...
Carla informs, “It’s time to leave them. The mansion is ready.”
“What do you mean? We just got here I have to take care of them.”
“You don’t need them.”
“They need me.”
The doll in her arms grows in size...
Carla corrects her, “There is no ‘need’ where we are going.”
Helen argues, “But here. They will be here and they need me.”
A loud moan can be heard from the backyard pets.
Carla, “They aren’t real. You make them real. If you let them go, they will no longer need you because they will no longer exist.”
“No, that’s not true-”
A large obese Rabbit moans and lumbers into the living room. Helen tries to pick it up... She struggles at the weight of her doll in one hand and the rabbit in the other...
Carla, “Let go.”
“I’ll hurt them.”
“Let them go. “
“No-” Helen struggles to hold the pet, the moan grows more grotesque. The horrible sound is enough to push her to ask Carla, “How? How do-”
Carla quickly offers instructions for assistance, “-Feel the part of you that loves them, connect to it-”
She gives Helen the space to feel it...
Carla asks, “Do you feel it?”
Helen tries… She closes her eyes for a moment. An internal connection is made.
Carla continues, “With love say with your heart, “I let you go” Tell it, “you are free”.
The doll vibrates violently and grows in size. The Rabbit groans morbidly...
Helen gathers the words, “I- I let go of yo-”
The groans and vibrations stop. Everything is still. She looks to Carla; relief, fear, confusion, suspension...
Carla holds her hand out for Helen to follow. With her other hand she opens the entrance door to the hallway. All sounds are muted... Helen takes a step but her doll and rabbit will not budge, they are frozen mid air. Slowly, she lets go and they stay suspended in the air, unassisted. Helen takes a step. Carla opens the door for her. Helen freezes. Carla shakes her head ‘Don’t’. Doubt. Helen turns back to her treasures, the Doll vibrates slightly. The rabbit twitches. Helen is caught in between. Helen runs back to her children leaving Carla alone in the doorway. When she touches them they come dramatically back to life - but this time, they double and triple in size. Helen, “You don’t understand what they did to me or how difficult things are.
Carla inserts herself into the Helen’s choices, “Helen.” Carla puts her hand up. Supernaturally, Carla is able to lower the volume and commotion coming from her pets. Carla puts her other hand on the doorknob.
Carla, “Above all else, remember one thing.” Helen listens, Carla continues, “The doors in here are locked from the inside.”
Carla exits. The Rabbit looks at the door shutting and lets out a monstrous groan. The Doll triples in size and Helen falls over trying to hold it.
Carla solemnly walks the hallway.
In the room, more of the oversized pets run into the room from the backyard. They all moan for food. All of the dolls on the shelf begin to vibrate. Helen gorws frantic at the mounting responsibilities.
Outside in the hallway, Carla solemnly walks... Moments pass.
The sound of a door handle and the opening and shutting of a door roll through the hallway. Carla stops.
“Carla.”
Carla turns to see Helen in the distance behind her. Helen is shaken with a mix of fragility and freedom. Carla walks to her.
Carla put her hand towards the door and says, “As I promised.”
Helen objects, “I don’t want to go back in…”
Carla pauses then looks to Helen. She puts her hand on the door frame and gently presses. Magically, the entire hallway wall and all the doors and doorframes gently fold backward. A gentle propulsion of colored light hits the faces of the women.
Helen looks left and right. As far as she can see, a great expanse of light. Carla holds her hand out inviting her to proceed forward. Helen walks forward and becomes apart of the light. A flash. The hallway wall and doors reappear.